No good, very bad morning

My house still smells like bleach. I spilled fruit juice all over my purse. Somehow, it even got inside. A giant moth attacked me in my bathroom. I defeated it with a combination of hairspray, water and loud shrieks. A bird flew into my front door. I literally saw the shadows of its wings as it fell. The stem of a broken wine glass is in my sink and I'm terrified to reach down and grab it for fear that the garbage disposal will magically turn on and slice my hand off. I got a flat tire. And my trunk is filled with firewood, a sleeping bag and Jenga pieces, which makes getting to the spare tire rather difficult.

Yep, I deserve two Splendas in my Troy and Abed in the Morning coffee mug this morning. Happy Tuesday.