Pity Party

Shit day(s) at work.
Messy house.
Weekend plans ruined.
Sad lunch.
Ripped the zipper on the dress I spent weeks picking out for this wedding moments after tearing the tag off of it.
Car is about to break down.
Lost my license.
Need to go to the bank, the DMV, the doctor, the dentist, the vet.
Tree in my front yard is falling down and landlord hasn't fixed it.
DVR is piling up.
Softball was cancelled.
No wedding date.
Bad dog mom.
Computer says it is out of space even though I have deleted literally every file off of it.
In over my head. 
Send help. 

Cares Will Drop Off Like Autumn Leaves

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves. 

– John Muir, Our National Parks

Like Me

Likable people aren’t afraid to ask questions, such as “How can I help” or “What do you think?”

Likable people are inclusive; no matter where they are or what they’re doing, they find a way to include others who seem a bit out of place or could use a friend.

Likable people know when, and when not, to talk during meetings—especially when they are talking solely for the sake of hearing their own voice.

Likable people help out newbies, even new bosses who are still adjusting to being the head honcho.

Likable people apply their seemingly unrelated life skills to work.

Likable people know just what to say at the right time (the most important phrase being “Thank you!”).

Likable people do little acts of kindness every day—all of which are super easy to work into your routine.

Likable people are emotionally intelligent—which means they’re not only aware of their own emotions, but sensitive to other people’s as well.

Likable people have better things to say than “Don’t worry” when another person is upset.

Likable people know how to politely shut down negative people.

Likable people also know how to give criticism without sounding condescending.
Finally, likable people know when it’s appropriate to be the “cool guy,” and when to be a strong leader.

From 12 Ways to Become a More Likable Person at Work—Starting Right Now

Divine Play

Last night, our yoga teacher started class by talking about lila.

Lila (pronounced "layla," I believe) is the Sanskrit word for divine play. Sure, yoga has a lot to do with perfection – the perfect pose, the perfect alignment. But it should also be fun.

A practice focused on divine play is just that. It's not about comparing yourself to the person next to you, or beating yourself up because you are falling out of a pose*. It's accepting where you are now and being okay with it. And furthermore – having fun with it.

That's a nice reminder for life too, isn't it? Sure, we should be striving to be better and looking to the future... but that can be exhausting. At least, that's what I've found. Comparing ourselves to others. Worrying we're not good enough. Wondering if we're on the right track. Second guessing. Feeling inadequate.

Being present is an intention I've had for myself for quite a while. I've probably written that phrase here more than a few times. But being reminded of that last night – after a tough week at work, feelings of inadequacy personally and professionally, a birthday weekend spent with my couch and DVR and overall just meh feelings lately – was refreshing.

Stop obsessing over where you could be or should be.
Look at where you are. Be grateful. Enjoy it. Have fun.

* To be fair, I did beat myself up for not getting the headstand last night.

** The picture is from my PNW trip (which I swear I'll blog about someday...). We were in Vancouver for just one day, and I was having regrets over not doing enough research on the city and worried we weren't making the most of our time there (as well as anxiety over getting lost, as my cell phone had limited map/calling functions). But Melanie asked a server for a neighborhood and bar recommendation, and we ended up spending the afternoon in Gastown buying too many Canada souvenirs. We stopped at this swanky bar, Chill Winston, even though I'm pretty sure we were both in yoga pants. We sat outside on the patio, even though it was probably too cold for patio weather and it was empty – they weren't even playing any music out there. We turned on a jazz Pandora station, ordered wine and champagne (because, why not!) and people watched under string lights as the sun went down in the city. It was a glorious, unexpected, unplanned evening. 

Overpromised + A List

So I overpromised with that everyday thing. I blaming it on the fact that I don't bring my laptop home most nights – leaving me desktopless. Let's try once a week instead....

I think one of the reasons blogging has become so difficult for me is that it's intimidating. I have old folders and bookmarks with "content" to blog about, but somewhere along the way, got over the idea of referring to my life as content. So, the lists kept building. Vacations. Screenshots. Hairstyles. Clothes. Interior Decorating. Thoughts. Feelings. Fears.

I feared that when I opened blogger, I would need to spend hours and hours catching you up. (And who is YOU anyway?) So maybe, I just won't. Maybe, I'll stop obsessing over what I forgot to blog about it and just record it when I have time or feel like it. (And whoever YOU is, I understand this makes for a terrible reading experience for you. Apologies.)

I heard on a podcast that to keep yourself more present (and sane), you should make lists. It sounds obvious, yes, but it helps to get it out of your head and clear your mind of having to store/remember it.

So, in lieu of actually writing about all these things right now, here is a list of things to (or to not be) shared at a later date.

• My PNW trip, of course
• My holiday decorations, which were, IMO, on point this year. 
• All the fun things I did over the holidays – Brewery Lights, Garden Glow, hours and hours and hours of Hallmark movies
• "Couple Privilege"
• Hot dads and why I love them even though I don't know if I want kids 
• Favorite Plated meals lately
• To the cute moms in ponytails at the playground, I'm secretly jealous of you
• Travel plans for 2016/17
• Home decor plans for this year
• 2016 being the year of the new car... maybe
• Why online dating is the worst (especially when you're not really all in)
• Why NYE is the worst
• Why birthdays are the worst
• How adult dating is difficult (and people who last dated in high school / college / early 20s trying to give you advice is the WORST)
• On being an aunt
• On what I'm looking forward to in the coming months
• On not trying to live a curated life

I'm going to be honest. Halfway through this, I looked at this list and was like... I am not publishing that. Or I am going to publish it and delete it in an hour. I have definitely written more personal things than this silly list.... but something about it felt, not only personal, but half hazard and not well thought out. 

And then I remembered the last goal I added into my 52 Lists goals for this year – Don't live a curated life. 

That in part, was what drove me away from blogging to begin with and seemed silly to censor myself now, having that goal in the back of my mind. 

So, publish. 

Smile More

One of the goals I wrote for myself in the #52listsproject was to smile more. Tonight in yoga, we took deep breaths at the beginning of class, as usual. But Candace then asks us to smile, just slightly, and feel the difference if made. 

I felt it. 

😌

Not For You. For Me.

In my head, I've written this post over and over.

And yet, confronted with the blank page, I can't remember how it starts or why I was even writing it to begin with.

I've neglected this blog. Obviously. You know that. I know that. I went on the trip I've been planning for years and I didn't even post a picture.

I need to slow down. To record.

I need to think. To write.

So, this is that. A poor start, I know. But I'm going to try to write here everyday. It won't be good. It will probably be boring. But it's not for you. It's for me. (Selfish, sorry.)

Call it a Resolution, but in my 52 Lists that I started this morning I said that I wanted to write more. And recently, I found myself voice-recording a few more subjects for that silly book I thought about writing last summer. I'm in my head a lot; I need to get it down on paper. Or digital paper, at least.

Basically, expect to see more of the 'rant' label in the coming days/weeks.

You Know What's Fun

Spending a whole day with couples, to start. 

And then overhearing them discuss a couples' white elephant holiday gift exchange... That you obviously weren't included in / can't participate in because you're not part of a couple. 

Current Status: Annoyed

At everything and everyone.

Still

Most nights, I still reach for the light on the left side of the kitchen doorway. 

On Chalkboards

My yoga instructor opened our practice with a thought on chalkboards.

After you write on a chalkboard and try to erase it, it's still there. You can still see some remnants of what was written. And even after you go over it again, maybe you can't read exactly what was written, but you know something was.

Writing and erasing and writing and erasing. You aren't ever really erasing, you are just adding new layers.

Erase, and write anew. Build new layers.

On Loneliness

It's great getting to do whatever you want, whenever you want.

But sometimes, you wish someone cared about what time you were getting home, or where you were going after work, or how long you'd be out.

You wish someone cared about you.


image via 

On Rest

For a long time, I've been obsessed with waking up early. Every article you read about "successful people" says they they're up reading the paper, drinking coffee or working out by dawn. Even with a late start to my work day (9am), I have trouble waking up before 7:30am. And to be honest, sometimes the harder I try to start the habit of waking up early, the more I find myself dragging out of bed at 8:20am.

On weekends, I'm usually up between 6-8am. Granted, it's up for coffee and Girl Meets World and then back to bed for a nap, but still, I feel pressure to get up and seize the day. My ex-boyfriend would sleep until 11 or 12 most weekends, and I was always so mad that he was wasting our day sleeping in bed. (At least it gave me a chance to catch up on girly TV shows...?)

I'll admit that yes, getting up early on Saturdays and doing yoga and the farmers' market and being home before 11am feeling like I accomplished so much is awesome. I love that feeling. In fact, I've found myself wishing that yoga was an hour earlier so I could get even more of a jump start on my day.

But last week, my yoga teacher was talking about how she had just spent her day off sleeping in til after 11am, and never felt so good. She, like me, had always put pressure on herself to get up early. But sometimes, it is okay to sleep in.

"Slow down when you need it. Rest when you need it," she said. 

She was talking about life, and talking about yoga too, of course. Because sometimes seizing the day means seizing it from bed.

Looking Foward To {September 2015}

• A (sunny?!) weekend at the lake for Labor Day
• My favorite St. Louis weekend – Loufest – with the headliner being my favorite band – Avett Brothers
• St. Louis Design Week – particularly the morning panels at KDHX, and hopefully the tours of the Arch and the Old Cathedral. Fingers crossed work doesn't get in the way! 
• Speaking of work, the culmination of a couple big projects we've been working on
• A nice, long weekend in Columbia to see Tim Gunn and my favorite festival, Roots n Blues
• More free time for yoga at Southtown
• Planning my late October trip to the Pacific Northwest (finally!)
• And likely the last bit of patio weather before fall hits

image via

Choose Epic

“If you’re stuck between two choices, choose the epic one.” 

 - Jenny Chambers

image via kateheartscake

How to Build a Meaningful Career

Do:

•  Make a prioritized list of what a meaningful career would look like to you 
• Invite four or five people to serve as a board of advisors as you explore what you want 
• Experiment with different elements of a job that you’d want either in your current job, outside work, or by talking with people 

Don’t:

•  Focus on your next role — think about what you want from work over the long term 
• Let the stage of your career hold you back — even those deep into their careers can make changes
• Neglect your finances so that when you want to make a change, you don’t feel able to

from How to Build a Meaningful Career

On Climbing Mountains

"Mountains should be climbed with as little effort as possible and without desire. The reality of your own nature should determine the speed. If you become restless, speed up. If you become winded, slow down. You climb the mountain in an equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion. Then, when you're no longer thinking ahead, each footstep isn't just a means to an end but a unique event in itself....To live only for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountains which sustain life, not the top." 

- Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values

My Car

A few weeks ago, my car broke down.

To be fair, this was a long time coming. I have been saying since Christmas that I was going to buy a new car. Each month, each oil change, each tank of gas – I swore would be my last.

But still, I wanted it to be on my time. Not when it broke down and would need to be fixed or towed to a dealership.

When all was said and done, it needed a new battery, alternator and transmission. Which was... a lot. More than the car was worth. But not more than a year of car payments on a new car would have been. So I made the decision to get it all fixed.

And have faced a lot of ridicule for it.

And a lot of reverse buyer's remorse on my own part.

As much as I didn't want a new car, once I started seriously looking and thinking it was inevitable, I kind of got excited. I know I was making a practical choice in keeping my payment-free car, but still.

Now, I should rephrase that to, "I thought I was making a practical choice...." 

About a week later, my check engine light came on again. Thinking it was just a glitch – maybe something wasn't turned on correctly? – I took it in one morning for an oil change and to have the light checked. Turned out, it needed a valve replaced and it would take, so they told me at the time, about an hour and a half (and another couple hundred bucks). I opted to bring it in the next morning, as I had the day off to drive down to the lake for a family vacation.

Nine hours later, it was done. Yes, you read that right. Nine hours.

So, that was annoying. But what was more annoying was that the check engine light came back on again four days later.

I was not amused.

And then – to make matters worse, because of course – the night before I was going to take it in to be checked out again, I left my lights on at the Muny and the battery died. Well played, Danielle.

On the upside, after I jumped it the check engine light didn't come back on. So, there's that. Oh, and the license expires in August so it needs an emissions test soon.

Let's see how this goes. Keep on keepin' on, little yellow Neon.

Just For The Record

Today started off with me throwing three eggs away because I couldn't get them over easy. 

Then I watched almost the entire season of Bloodline on Netflix. I thought about taking Mav for a walk. Key phrase - *thought about.* 

I pouted because I couldn't get the salsa jar open. 

I drank 2 beers and 3 glasses of wine. By myself. Just chilling watching TV. I am not proud of this. 

I huddled in my basement during a tornado warning (with said glass of wine). 

I chased a moth around my house with bug spray trying to kill it. Almost threw a shoe at it but wussied out. Ended up losing the moth, so I turned other lights on and went into my bedroom with the door shut and kept the bug spray on my nightstand (for safety?). 

As I sit here thinking about how I'm failing at adulthood, I realize my parents had two kids at my age. Cool. 

Car Regret

I really didn't want a new car until I made the decision not to get a new car and now I want one.

Shoot.