I have a journal with weekly prompts/lists. A while back it asked about my hopes/dreams/plans for the future, and one of the things I wrote that I wanted was to fall in love again.

Lately, I've been thinking that I'd also like to fall out of love again. I know it seems crazy to hope for heartbreak -- especially knowing how grueling it was the last time. But (a.) if I'm heartbroken again it means I truly loved again. And even more than that, it takes all the power away from the first heartbreak.

Was listening to this episode of Why Oh Why and that's what got me thinking about the power that our great loves have over us -- our first loves, true loves, deep loves, long lost loves, forbidden loves, whatever they may be. That we continue to pine for loves that maybe, had they lasted, wouldn't have been so great after all.

From "Smartphones Are the New Cigarettes"

From "Smartphones Are the New Cigarettes" by Mark Manson 

“Is there really nothing in your life that can’t wait 30 minutes? Or are you curing cancer or something?”... 

 If you think about it, our attention is the only thing we truly own in our lives. Our possessions can go away. Our bodies can be compromised. Our relationships can fall apart. Even our memories and intellectual capacity fade away. But the simple ability to choose what to focus on — that will always be ours. Unfortunately, with today’s technology, our attention is being pulled in more directions than ever before, which makes this optioning of our own attention more difficult — and more important — than ever before... 

I would say that our ability to focus and hone our attention on what we need is a core component of living a happy, healthy life. We’ve all had those days or weeks (or months or years) where we’ve felt scatterbrained — out of control of our own reality, constantly sucked down rabbit holes of pointless information and drama comprised of endless clicks and notifications... 

 It’s attention pollution when somebody else’s inability to focus or control themselves then interferes with the attention and focus of those around them... It’s why we get annoyed at dinner when someone starts texting in front of us. It’s why we get pissed off when someone pulls their phone out in a movie theater. It’s why we become irritated when someone is checking their email instead of watching the ballgame. Their inability to focus interferes with our (already-fragile) ability to focus. The same way second-hand smoke harms the lungs of people around the smoker, smartphones harm the attention and focus of people around the smartphone user... 

I’ve noticed that as the years go on, it’s becoming harder for me to sit down and write an article like this than it was three or four years ago. And it’s not just that the amount of available distractions have compounded over the years, it’s that my ability to resist those distractions seems to have worn down to the point where I often don’t feel in control of my own attention anymore. And this kind of freaks me out. It’s not that I resent the woman at the gym who can’t go 10 minutes without checking her messages. I resent that I am becoming that person at the gym who can’t go 10 minutes without checking his messages... 

 I’ve noticed friends who can no longer sit through entire movies (or even episodes of a TV show) without pulling out their phones multiple times in the middle of it. People who can’t make it through a meal without putting the phone next to their plate.

How do I keep feeling that feeling?

As I was driving through Tower grove Park on my way home from softball "practice" last night [to be clear – we did not practice. We stood around drinking Busch for 2 hours.], I realized I was so happy. So content. So calm. So carefree.

How do I keep feeling that feeling?
How do I make that feeling into a living?