My Boyfriendless Life

I realized recently that this is the longest I have ever gone without a boyfriend. 

Maybe not always an official "boyfriend," but a guy in my life. You see, for as long as I can remember, I have been boy crazy. I remember walking into Mrs. Summers' first grade class and seeing my childhood crush for the first time. In middle school, I made (ranked) lists of all my crushes. I was in two relationships that each lasted 5+ years.

I've spent so much time obsessing over boys.

Has he called? Has he texted? Did he like that photo I posted? Is he signed on to AOL? (#throwback)

When things with my crush / boyfriend were good, my life was good. When things with my crush / boyfriend were bad (or stagnant or fizzling), I felt anxious. My life revolved around those relationships, or lack of.

But this last year or so? My life has been my own.

Sure, I've been sad sometimes. Things have been shitty sometimes. But when things are good, it is because I made them good. It's because of me. My friends. My family. My choices. My life.

And that's really refreshing. I like it.


[Related, it's "too bad" I don't have a boyfriend.]