I think it's time

To start blogging again.

In other news, not much has changed since my last post in August. Cool.

Pity Party

Shit day(s) at work.
Messy house.
Weekend plans ruined.
Sad lunch.
Ripped the zipper on the dress I spent weeks picking out for this wedding moments after tearing the tag off of it.
Car is about to break down.
Lost my license.
Need to go to the bank, the DMV, the doctor, the dentist, the vet.
Tree in my front yard is falling down and landlord hasn't fixed it.
DVR is piling up.
Softball was cancelled.
No wedding date.
Bad dog mom.
Computer says it is out of space even though I have deleted literally every file off of it.
In over my head. 
Send help. 

Cares Will Drop Off Like Autumn Leaves

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves. 

– John Muir, Our National Parks

Like Me

Likable people aren’t afraid to ask questions, such as “How can I help” or “What do you think?”

Likable people are inclusive; no matter where they are or what they’re doing, they find a way to include others who seem a bit out of place or could use a friend.

Likable people know when, and when not, to talk during meetings—especially when they are talking solely for the sake of hearing their own voice.

Likable people help out newbies, even new bosses who are still adjusting to being the head honcho.

Likable people apply their seemingly unrelated life skills to work.

Likable people know just what to say at the right time (the most important phrase being “Thank you!”).

Likable people do little acts of kindness every day—all of which are super easy to work into your routine.

Likable people are emotionally intelligent—which means they’re not only aware of their own emotions, but sensitive to other people’s as well.

Likable people have better things to say than “Don’t worry” when another person is upset.

Likable people know how to politely shut down negative people.

Likable people also know how to give criticism without sounding condescending.
Finally, likable people know when it’s appropriate to be the “cool guy,” and when to be a strong leader.

From 12 Ways to Become a More Likable Person at Work—Starting Right Now

Divine Play

Last night, our yoga teacher started class by talking about lila.

Lila (pronounced "layla," I believe) is the Sanskrit word for divine play. Sure, yoga has a lot to do with perfection – the perfect pose, the perfect alignment. But it should also be fun.

A practice focused on divine play is just that. It's not about comparing yourself to the person next to you, or beating yourself up because you are falling out of a pose*. It's accepting where you are now and being okay with it. And furthermore – having fun with it.

That's a nice reminder for life too, isn't it? Sure, we should be striving to be better and looking to the future... but that can be exhausting. At least, that's what I've found. Comparing ourselves to others. Worrying we're not good enough. Wondering if we're on the right track. Second guessing. Feeling inadequate.

Being present is an intention I've had for myself for quite a while. I've probably written that phrase here more than a few times. But being reminded of that last night – after a tough week at work, feelings of inadequacy personally and professionally, a birthday weekend spent with my couch and DVR and overall just meh feelings lately – was refreshing.

Stop obsessing over where you could be or should be.
Look at where you are. Be grateful. Enjoy it. Have fun.

* To be fair, I did beat myself up for not getting the headstand last night.

** The picture is from my PNW trip (which I swear I'll blog about someday...). We were in Vancouver for just one day, and I was having regrets over not doing enough research on the city and worried we weren't making the most of our time there (as well as anxiety over getting lost, as my cell phone had limited map/calling functions). But Melanie asked a server for a neighborhood and bar recommendation, and we ended up spending the afternoon in Gastown buying too many Canada souvenirs. We stopped at this swanky bar, Chill Winston, even though I'm pretty sure we were both in yoga pants. We sat outside on the patio, even though it was probably too cold for patio weather and it was empty – they weren't even playing any music out there. We turned on a jazz Pandora station, ordered wine and champagne (because, why not!) and people watched under string lights as the sun went down in the city. It was a glorious, unexpected, unplanned evening. 

One of Those Mondays

Annoyances, in no particular order:

car
hair
dog
to do list
wadrobe
messy house
other drivers
no creamer for my coffee
hair, worth repeating
temperature
back
clicky shoes

Overpromised + A List

So I overpromised with that everyday thing. I blaming it on the fact that I don't bring my laptop home most nights – leaving me desktopless. Let's try once a week instead....

I think one of the reasons blogging has become so difficult for me is that it's intimidating. I have old folders and bookmarks with "content" to blog about, but somewhere along the way, got over the idea of referring to my life as content. So, the lists kept building. Vacations. Screenshots. Hairstyles. Clothes. Interior Decorating. Thoughts. Feelings. Fears.

I feared that when I opened blogger, I would need to spend hours and hours catching you up. (And who is YOU anyway?) So maybe, I just won't. Maybe, I'll stop obsessing over what I forgot to blog about it and just record it when I have time or feel like it. (And whoever YOU is, I understand this makes for a terrible reading experience for you. Apologies.)

I heard on a podcast that to keep yourself more present (and sane), you should make lists. It sounds obvious, yes, but it helps to get it out of your head and clear your mind of having to store/remember it.

So, in lieu of actually writing about all these things right now, here is a list of things to (or to not be) shared at a later date.

• My PNW trip, of course
• My holiday decorations, which were, IMO, on point this year. 
• All the fun things I did over the holidays – Brewery Lights, Garden Glow, hours and hours and hours of Hallmark movies
• "Couple Privilege"
• Hot dads and why I love them even though I don't know if I want kids 
• Favorite Plated meals lately
• To the cute moms in ponytails at the playground, I'm secretly jealous of you
• Travel plans for 2016/17
• Home decor plans for this year
• 2016 being the year of the new car... maybe
• Why online dating is the worst (especially when you're not really all in)
• Why NYE is the worst
• Why birthdays are the worst
• How adult dating is difficult (and people who last dated in high school / college / early 20s trying to give you advice is the WORST)
• On being an aunt
• On what I'm looking forward to in the coming months
• On not trying to live a curated life

I'm going to be honest. Halfway through this, I looked at this list and was like... I am not publishing that. Or I am going to publish it and delete it in an hour. I have definitely written more personal things than this silly list.... but something about it felt, not only personal, but half hazard and not well thought out. 

And then I remembered the last goal I added into my 52 Lists goals for this year – Don't live a curated life. 

That in part, was what drove me away from blogging to begin with and seemed silly to censor myself now, having that goal in the back of my mind. 

So, publish. 

Smile More

One of the goals I wrote for myself in the #52listsproject was to smile more. Tonight in yoga, we took deep breaths at the beginning of class, as usual. But Candace then asks us to smile, just slightly, and feel the difference if made. 

I felt it. 

😌

Not For You. For Me.

In my head, I've written this post over and over.

And yet, confronted with the blank page, I can't remember how it starts or why I was even writing it to begin with.

I've neglected this blog. Obviously. You know that. I know that. I went on the trip I've been planning for years and I didn't even post a picture.

I need to slow down. To record.

I need to think. To write.

So, this is that. A poor start, I know. But I'm going to try to write here everyday. It won't be good. It will probably be boring. But it's not for you. It's for me. (Selfish, sorry.)

Call it a Resolution, but in my 52 Lists that I started this morning I said that I wanted to write more. And recently, I found myself voice-recording a few more subjects for that silly book I thought about writing last summer. I'm in my head a lot; I need to get it down on paper. Or digital paper, at least.

Basically, expect to see more of the 'rant' label in the coming days/weeks.